Holy shit. Oppenheimer is over.
Lemme go all out here. It's a blog. I'm allowed.
This morning, I was discussing the play with a few people - rehearsals, headaches, tech week, opening night, Friday night, the whole kit 'n kaboodle - and I came to the conclusion that I was mighty confused (yes, I believe confusion is a legit conclusion) about how I got to feeling the way that I did.
Believe it or not, I know I'm decent at acting. I mean, I've always felt that it was something that came a little easier to me than other things did. For some reason that escapes me, though, I think I had decided a long time ago that I was going to disappoint some people with my performance and that my goal had to be to keep that number as low as possible.
But it occurred to me this morning that I wasn't going to disappoint anyone...or if I have, I'm not quite sure that that's really my fault. At this point, it would be completely beyond my power to impress the people that don't want to be impressed.
Both Friday and Saturday shows were enough to convince me that we hadn't given up, and I hope that they were enough to convince others, too.
Regardless, Saturday's applause - for me and for all of us - was enough to put a lump in my throat.
It was enough for me.
We pulled it off
In other news, I am in the process of finishing my stupid research paper. It was lovely to see my professor at the cast party, you know? She was just such a wonderful reminder of all the homework and researching that I had yet to do. Oh well. Monday will come and go and all will be well, regardless of how bad the paper goes. Time does not stop just because I have a paper to do. Tonight will be an all-nighter, but I'll sleep on Tuesday or something.
Still missing you, kiddo, but in a very different way than earlier this week. Thought it would go away, but it's not. Not too painful, though, so that's a relief.
Okay now. It is 3 in the morning and I am only on page 3, so I have five more pages to go at least.
take it easy. don't die. don't get raped. i love you very much
Psh, I can't believe you thought you would disappoint people.
ReplyDeleteNo, all joking aside, I understand why you felt the way you did. This part was a significant departure from the roles you've played in the past. Roles you've excelled at. The opportunity for failure was there in a way it never has been before.
That being said, you were phenomenal. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel as if you weren't good enough. I only pushed you so hard because I knew you were capable of so much.
And wow, did you show anyone harboring any doubts about your acting abilities. Did you notice how, every night, your applause dwarfed Oppie's? You stole that show, m'dear.
Hope your paper went okay. *grin*