If you ever wanted to know what a person with acute paranoia looks like...well, keep watching

We'll just get this out of the way:

I am paranoid. So very very paranoid

But not in the way that most people are paranoid. I don't think people are out to get me. I don't think the world is going to end.
What I am paranoid of is pissing people off. I hate when people get mad at me or I can see a fight coming. Even if it's just a friendly phone call or what have you, I will freak out, over-react and worry all day long.

Example: Today my mother calls during class and leaves me a message that says in what I think is Mad Mom voice, "Hi. Call me back as soon as you can. I need to ask you something. I'm at work until 5 so any time after that. Bye"
Now, I get this message at 12. Shit. What did I do now? I mean, my bank account is fine, I don't think I gave my mother's computer a virus in the 2 hours I was on it. Did she find something? And I worry up a storm. Even if there is absolutely NO JUSTIFICATION as to why she would be angry. But, I'm beside myself with worry-ridden curiosity
Turns out she wanted to clarify something with me on my Christmas List.

*sigh*

I am pathetic

In other news, I started a conversation about sex today in my special topics course. We were talking about Twilight (Penn's son's "girl with whom he has an understanding" [because girlfriend was just too damn complicated a concept, I guess] likes Twilight) and Penn called it a trashy romance and I had to tell him that it was not even worthy of the trashy romance title because there's no sex.

And there we went

Now, my mother gave me The Talk daily. Talking about sex with adults does not bother me. Talking about sex with anyone does not bother me. But, I forget that it bothers other people, particularly students in regards to their professors.
I think we had a great conversation about it. Baring the fact that I've never technically HAD it, I think we came to some good conclusions and agreed for the most part. He said something that I had never heard anyone say before - not that it's a ground-breaking, novel thought. I'm sure someone else had this thought, but it just never occurred to me in the sense of how he said it.

Sex is an imaginative act. One needs a great imagination for it to be any good at all.

Agree? Disagree?

And then he did the thing that I love this man for the most: took this odd comment of mind about the lack of sex in Twilight, moved his way through a pretty detailed yet indirect conversation about what makes sex good - in literature and in life - and then, somehow, tied it all into magical realism and Gabriel Garcia Marquez's "100 Years of Solitude."

And it all made sense

I came out of it all pretty intrigued, while everyone else was just merely uncomfortable.

*shrug* I had fun

Oh, and another things about my paranoia, because you're all so interested, yeah?

I am TERRIFIED that I'm going to develop Schizophrenia

Truly terrified

Which makes going to Abnormal Psych and talking about Schizophrenia for two whole class periods torture of the cruelest kind

That is all

Take it easy. Don't die. Don't get raped, and if you ever get mad at me, don't leave me in suspense. At least do me that favor.
Or don't. It'll be better revenge